See, I would expect this from black women, truly sneaky in
reputation, and they never fail to back it up. One time, I
was at a theater, and I actually caught a black woman
tucking a 1 liter bottle of pepsi into her purse before
going in. I waited until the usher had torn the ticket, and
made sure to announce in a loud voice that the perpetrator
was trying to circumvent the rules of the establishment,
something that black people seem to have gotten comfortable
doing. Anyway, she gave me a dirty look and continued to her
theater. The ticket taker, a fresh faced young caucasian
lad, just looked at me as if *I* had commited a crime..what
this world has come to..

Anyway, I sat down, and wouldn't you know it, just like my
earlier data had confirmed, this black woman (and the other
various black people in the theater) started a running
conversation with the screen. I was incensed. This is no
behavior for a respectable movie house. And then I saw her
take a sip from her illegally smuggled in Pepsi. That was
it. I adjusted the stick in my sphincter and approached her
in a calm, collected manner and politely asked her to hand
over her contraband and please watch the movie like other,
normal civilized folk would. She did that neck thing that
black women do..and it was oddly hypnotizing. I wasn't
listening to her banshee like wails, because I've trained
myself to tune out "ebonics" but I was transfixed by how her
neck swayed back and forth like a Cobra snake..

And then she struck me with the bottle right over my eye,
splitting the skin. I cried like a little girl and curled up
in the fetal position. Then her burly boyfriend proceeded to
adminster kicks to my back and spine. My bowels let go
instantly, because there's nothing more terrifying to me
than real live Black people. It felt like everyone in the
theater was pummeling me, and I sneaked a peek through my
folded fingers and saw that everyone WAS pummeling me. Even
the ticket boy, that confused wiggerish kid. He had a
sinister glee in his eyes, I'll tell you this. Then she said
something like "Here's your Pepsi, you cracker motherfucker"
and then, taking off my eyepatch, she...

....God it's like a nightmare. but talking will make me
stronger...

She skullfucked me with it. Then her boyfriend and 4 other
fellows peed on me as I lay twitching, my clipboard in hand.
I used the last of my strength to keep my invaluable data
away from their golden showers. All that punishment because
of a smuggled illegal Pepsi. Society today depresses me.
When a law abiding, decent citizen such as myself can be
brutally assaulted in a public theater, you know something's
gone terribly wrong. I'm only one man. But I'm one man with
a clipboard. And at least I've got Tuffy. Tuffy loves me.
Isn't that right Tuffy? Even though Tuffy sometimes chafes
against my private areas..I forgive Tuffy.