Iraq: What's next, and does anyone really care?

I woke up this morning not really knowing exactly what was happening
until Howards voice finally started to penetrate: so I guess we're at
war now.  The first thing I thought is that everything is different
now.  We're in survival mode.  We need to start being careful and
thinking about what we need to do to win this war.  The diplomay, the
bullshit, the people we're going to be slaughtering...it's all
secondary to us winning.  Not because I think we're right, or that we
deserve to win, or anything like that....it's just survival.

But when I get into the office and start reading reports, reading what
Fatboy wrote, the only thing I can feel is depressed, defeated, and
afraid.  The entire world is fucking livid over this.  There are
leaders of countries doing everything but declaring war on us.  If
this was some great stand for freedom, something that I really
beleived in, something that might impact my life, maybe then I could
accept this.  But the truth is that I don't care about any of it.  I
care in the sense of politics being interesting, but does it MATTER to
me that we're killing Iraqis?  Is there anyone I know in the military
that it would have a genuine and profound effect on me if they were
killed?  Do I believe that Bush is doing anything that will help me in
ANY way, even if it's making gas prices lower?  The answer to all of
these is no...and should we really be in a war that nobody except
politicians cares about?  The only impact this situation will ever
have on my life is if I am killed in a terrorist attack the likelyhood
of which, judging by the reaction of the rest of the world, is rapidly
increasing.  So why is this hitting me so heavily now, when I knew
this would be the case when this whole bullshit started?  Because I
just realized the significance of what has just happened.  Bush has
given away what is probably the second most valuable thing that
Americans have nearly always had, and have certainly had since I was
born: security.  The possibility of being killed in an attack right
here in my own homeland was pretty remote.  We were isolated from the
horrors of the rest of the world.

I work in an old Navy Yard that has pretty much all been converted to
office space, except for the area around the USS Constitution, which
is guarded by (armed) park rangers and still has a Marine presence to
maintain and protect the boat itself.  I have seen things change: the
concrete barriers, every car being searched for bombs when it comes
into the area...but today is different.  Today I see them leading a
bomb sniffing dog around.  I'm eyeing the truck parked waiting to come
in with suspicion.  I'm assesing how good of a target this area would
be and what it would be like if a bomb went off here.  These
possibilities were never really real to me before now. This morning,
though, I read the following passage on MSN.com...

	A response from the 30-million-strong moderate Muhammadiyah
	Muslim group in Indonesia came within minutes of the United
	States and Britain launching attacks on Iraq.
	
	'This is not an attack on Islam but an attack on humanity,'
	said Syafii Maarif, head of the organization.

What am I supposed to think when I read that?  How am I supposed to
feel?  As I look around my office and watch people going about their
daily business like nothing is going on I guess the answer is that I'm
not supposed to think anything.  I can't just ignore it though.  Every
second I sit here, every bullshit conversation I engage in, every time
I get up to go to the bathroom and see people talking or going to get
a soda I just can't help but think how absurd it is that nobody seems
to care.  Whether you support the war or not, the fact is that support
for the war was shaky at best, we were facing the possibility of
serious consequences for going against the rest of the world, and our
reasons for doing this were unclear at BEST.  Yet no one seems to
care.  No one cares about the 45% of the population that thought this
was a bad idea.  no one cares about the quote I read on msn.  No one
seems rattled by the possibility of reprisal by terrorism or
economics.

I am scared as fuck because I may be dead by the end of today,
tomorrow, a month from now, or in 60 years but that isn't even the
thing that frightens me the most.  The thing that frightens me the
most is that I have no choice and no voice as to the direction that
things are going.  I have said before that people don't understand how
slowly government moves and how change takes time, etc. but I was
wrong.  The fact is that this country is no longer a democracy.  It is
an oligarchy run by the rich and the powerful.  The reason that my
generation has no voice is because the establishment doesn't want to
hear what we have to say.  They don't CARE that we don't like the way
things are, they don't CARE that we are moved to protest, to write
letters.  It's not that these things aren't enough to make a
difference in the system we are supposed to have, it's that  the
system we are supposed to have is an illusion...a dream that died
somewhere around the 60's when those in power realized that not
everyone agrees with them anymore.  There's a reaon why the pro-war
side doesn't protest and doesn't write letters and make calls: they
don't need to.  It doesn't matter how comitted to our cause we are, or
how many of us there are,  because it can never, ever make a
difference.  The system is set up by very powerful people to prevent
us from having any impact on the direction of the country.  It's when
the guys on the radio talk about how lazy and apathetic Gen X is, it's
when politicians lie to us and make us think they THEY are different
from the rest, it's the reply from your senator saying "thanks for
your concern over this issue, but I'm still voting to support the
people who pay for my campaigns", it's when they vote down term
limits, it's the age restrictions on who can get elected, it's the
news, it's the fact that they don't get why our generation produces
angry music, it's ignoring the symptoms of the problem, it's welfare,
it's getting a college education, it's raising and lowering taxes,
it's the downturn in the economy that prevented people from finally
getting some status and money, it's censorship, it's the balance
between the liberals and conservatives...it's EVERYTHING.  The fact is
that we shouldn't HAVE to work this hard to be heard.  The other side
doesn't have to do anything to be heard...they are just as lazy and
self-consumed as our generation, they just happen to agree with the
policies of the establishment.

The net effect of this is that I just don't know if it's even worth
trying anymore.   It's not like this movement towards change is new:
it's been happening since the 60's at least, but the ONLY progress we
have seen is in the opposite direction.  The system doesn't want us,
and has plenty of traps set up to keep us out.  Honestly, I don't
think I even care anymore whether I get blown up in a terrorist attack
resulting from a war and policies I never supported, or I don't.  We
sold our freedom and our way of life to a company and there's no going
back now.  I wish I culd say that I could just not let that bother me,
but it does.  It bothers me every single second, and the fact that
there is nothing I can do about it just makes me not even care whether
I die tommorrow or not.  Life in this country wasn't meant for people
who think or care about things, who want to live free and have the
life that they want.  This country is just another Iraq: the people
live to support the lifestyle of the rich and powerful, and I don't
give two fucks what kind of car George Bush drives.  All the political
activism, the discussions, the letters....it's all just a hopeless
waste of time and I just don't think I'm even going to try anymore.
Things are set up to keep me out, and I guess they have officially
succeeded.

Welcome to life in 21st century Amerikkka.