I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I haven't been posting much for a while,
and when I have, it hasn't been terribly hip-hop related. Well, there's a reason
for that. I'm leaving, and I don't just mean RMHH. I mean hip-hop. I guess this
is my ultimate entry to the "Yo! I'm Wack!" thread: I'm not hip-hop. At all.
Believe me, this hasn't been a quick decision. I've been thinking about it heavily
for months now, it's just that I don't share every single thought that goes
through my head on here. I mean, hip-hop has been a big part of my life for
the last several years; but then again, was it really *my* life? I've finally
realized that it wasn't. To use the hip-hop vernacular, I've been "frontin'
" all this time. Not on purpose, though.
I think it's been all of the race threads on here that made me fully realize
it: hip-hop wasn't and isn't made for me, so what the hell am I doing listening
to it all the time? I can't think of any specific examples, but Kari Orr in
particular has said some really thought-provoking things about this kind of
thing that really got me to thinking. It's not that I've "grown out" of hip-hop,
it's that I never was hip-hop. Like Snoop said, "Ain't nothin' but a Black thang,
baaayyybeeeee."
Whenever I see other white people walking around in their FUBU, looking hip-hop,
or "down" or whatever, I always think to myself, "What a fuckin' wannabe, he
probably doesn't even know what FUBU stands for, let alone know what hip-hop
is." then it struck me: that's how people see me! Except I don't dress in FUBU
or any overtly hip-hop gear, but any time I'm browsing through the rap section,
or at a show bobbing my head, or asking when the new Tribe album is coming out,
I just know everyone's thinking what a perp I am. And they're right. As has
been said countless times on here, there's just so much in hip-hop that I can't
relate to or understand, because I haven't had the experiences, or lived the
life style, etc. The minority (especially Black) experience is just too integral
a part of hip-hop for me to ever successfully become a part of it. Although
I did feel pretty comfortable at the shows I've been to, there's always been
a very large alternative/white faction in attendance, so it's not exactly like
I was that out of place. I've picked up a lot of the slang into my everyday
vocabulary, and while I still have my natural large King's English vocabulary,
it's like I've got this little wigger trapped inside me saying half my lines.
It surprises peole when they hear me talk for the first time, and those looks
start to bother me after a while. But then, why am I getting those looks? It's
because I'm talking like something I'm not.
It's not like I've been a wigger, though. I never use the "N" word, I don't
go trying to dress all "hip-hoppish," and I don't use *that* much slang, and
I don't end my sentences with, "yo." But still, just because I've educated myself
about a lot the history and have always been respectful of the culture, I was
never a part of it. I never really participated in any of the elements, and
there's so much in the lyrics that probably just goes straight over my head
or around it, since it's not aimed at me.
I've had a lot of of nerve in here, that I now regret. Many times I've argued
with someone who's an actual MC, actually lives in one of the neighborhoods
I hear named in those rap songs I just listened to, and has actually lived what
MCs talk about, and hear I am sitting in my living room talking shit I really
have no right to speak on. To anyone who really does live hip-hop (and I mean
more by the K. Orr model that goes way outside the four elements and that 99%
of whites can't experience) that I've ever argued with, I hereby apologize.
I'm not saying every other white person in here should give up hip-hop, but
you should do some real deep thinking on wether or not you really belong. I
bet if you're truly honest with yourself, many will find that you really don't.
Just think about it.
Anyway, the transition's been going smoothly. I've already sold my entire hip-hop
collection to Rasputin's the other day (I only got $413, cheap bastards), and
aside from buying a few new CDs (I *love* that Natalie Imbruglia song, so I
had to get the album, and I finally completed my Star Wars Special Edition soundtrack
collection, and I grabbed that Wallflowers CD) a lot of that money'll help out
with my union dues, and get my air conditioner in my car fixed. I already had
plenty of non-hip-hop CDs anyway, so it's not like I'm exactly starved of music.
Oh, and I kept two Heavy D albums (hey, I grew up on Heavy D!) and Arrested
Development's first one. They're not overly "hip-hop," though, so I don't feel
funny listening to them. And I think I'm still gonna get the new Beastie Boys
album on Tuesday. Maybe even MMM's, too, since that kind of turntablism is branching
away from hip-hop anyway. Plus, the Z and 105.3 play a lot of stuff that I feel
more natural listening to then hip-hop.
Like I said before, I never looked very hip-hop to begin with, so I don't need
to change my look or anything. Good old Izod'll always be there for me. ;-)
I've also cleaned up my language a bit, not just eliminating hip-hop slang,
but I try not to cuss that much anymore, because while I believe it's the intent,
not the meaning that determines wether a word is positive or not, most cuss
words just sound ugly, and people who cuss a lot truly do sound like idiots.
I still do cuss, and don't plan on stopping, but I try to get rid of the superfluous
ones. (FYI, cutting down on cussing isn't related to my ditching hip-hop) Music
will always be a big part of my life, it's just that it's going to be music
made for *my* ears from now on. And you know what, I feel a lot more honest
with myself and the people I interact with now.
I can just see this reaction coming, so let me say it before one of you does:
"If you can give up hip-hop so easily, you never really were hip-hop to begin
with." How do I respond to that? Well, DUH!!!!! That's what I'm saying! Hip-hop
simply isn't intended for someone like me. And while it may seem like me leaving
is sudden to you guys, it has been anything but with me. I've just been putting
off writing this post for a while, because I'm a procastinator like that. Why
did I get involved in the first place, then? Well, since it started when I was
a kid, it must have just been the aesthetics of it that intrigued me. Then as
I grew older, I did the thing that I do with any intrest I have: try to learn
as much about it as possible. So I guess these two combined and dragged me into
my long hip-hop phase.
Well, it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm kinda rambling at this point,
I'm trying to think of anything else I wanted to say. Hmmm, should I take any
last shots at people since I won't be here to read the flames anyway? Naw, that
would just make people feel bad, and I don't want to do that. Maybe I'll just
say this: Flash, you're a lot better since you came back from your little break,
but as evidenced in your "this is getting ridiculous" thread, you still have
a way to go. Don't take that as a dis, it's just honest observation.
Let's see, what else... Um, it's good that the web site's getting started, and
several of you are about to blow up. I just want to wish all of you the best
of luck and much success, because while I've realized that I'm not hip-hop,
I don't hate it or resent it or anything, and there are a lot of creative and
talented people in here, and I hope everyone of you blows up. There's a lot
of really cool people in here. And I hope you guys manage to get those tapes
together, that'd be really neat. Oh, and sorry to NyceStylez for making all
of those reccomendations; while I made them with good intentions, I'm not exactly
a hip-hop role-model to take advice from. But almost all of those albums are
considered by real "heads" to be classics, so you should still like them, just
take my reccomendations with a grain of salt or get a second opinion, I'd hate
to be responsible for someone wasting their hard-earned money. Finally, even
though I'll be forever gone from hip-hop and RMHH, I won't be off the 'net or
anything, and I'm still a person, so if any of you want to keep in touch or
talk about Star Wars or Transformers or something, y'all know my e-mail, or
you can get it through this post. Besides, I haven't given up my sense of humor,
and I know that's all most of you care about anyway. ;-) And if you see one
of my last posts and really feel the need to respond, if you want me to read
it, it *must* be sent through e-mail, because after I log out tonight, I'm gone
for good.
Well, I guess it would be a good idea to keep me out of the "Regulars" page
on the web site, and I hope I've adequately expressed my feelings and reasonings
behind this, and with all of that said, I will bid you all my final farewell...
Oh, what the hell:
Stay UP!
--
Mike Burke
(You'll notice the period's gone, but sorry, Akiem, you'll have to find a new
President, I'm giving that up, too)
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